


I'd Rather Have You

by DAIOSTIEL, WarmthOfRain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic Castiel/Dean Winchester, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Light Angst, M/M, Newly Human Castiel (Supernatural), Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Resurrected Dean Winchester, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, anywaysss stan spanish spn, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:14:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAIOSTIEL/pseuds/DAIOSTIEL, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarmthOfRain/pseuds/WarmthOfRain
Summary: “I think I’ve told you to never do that again,” Dean says as he pulls back, his hand still lingers on Cas’ arm, his grip not loosening.Cas tilts his head, and Dean can’t help but smile. He looks adorable, he always does.“My apologies.” the angel replies, blunt as always.There are words on the tip of Dean’s tongue. The words he didn’t get to say before. The ones that he dreads not saying sooner. But Cas is staring at Dean with a mix of sorrow and joy, and Dean can't help but ask, “What’s going on, Cas?”“It…” Cas blinks, “wasn’t supposed to happen this way. That’s why I’m here.”Or: Dean does die, which leads him to meet Cas again. And this time, Dean won't leave him, ever again.Another fix it fic.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 159





	I'd Rather Have You

**Author's Note:**

> YO A TI, CAS anyways, stan canonically requited destiel and canonically bi Dean <3 ~Arsis.  
> arsistiel on Twitter/tumblr/insta 
> 
> The fix it fic we all needed. Also, this doc is homophobic for suggesting ‘unrequited’ instead of ‘requited’ tbh. Oh, and the idea about the reunion in heaven and the grace and all came from Twitter (@mishasnovak). ~Jo  
> Insta: warmthofrain  
> Tumblr: malecbaby  
> Twitter: rain_warmth

The whole thing was ironic, really.

The fact that they were out on a hunt. The fact that Dean always thought that he’d go down bloody and on the job and that that’s exactly what happened. That this time, he wasn’t ready, because this time he actually wanted to live.

The fact that when he felt himself slip away, he could still see Sammy in front of him, crying, and that image was burned behind his eyelids. The fact that “ _ Stairway to Heaven _ ” was what was coming from the radio as Dean rode  _ Baby _ towards the bridge he could clearly see in front of him.

He’s not sure how this all happened, but he knows this is it. 

It’s not exactly feeling peaceful, but there’s that anticipation in his chest. Dean’s felt hollow ever since-- 

He blinks as he presses the brakes and stops. 

Ever since Cas… was taken away... and Jack left. And now, he can feel it give in a little, a sliver of hope replacing the empty feeling. 

_ ‘Cas helped’ _

When he gets out of the Impala, Dean feels as if someone should be here. He hopes someone will be here. But the bridge is empty. 

He walks to the center of it and places his hands on the railing, breathing in the fresh air. It fills his lungs and damn, _this_ is Heaven? He is in _Heaven_?

Like an answer to his question, he feels a gush of wind and the familiar, yet distant, sound of wings fluttering in the air, one he hasn’t heard in a while. 

Taking in a sharp breath, he turns, something bubbling in his chest. And the hunter can’t help the smile that spreads on his face even before Dean meets the eyes he feels he hasn’t seen in too long. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Dean has to close his eyes for a brief moment, the voice sounds like melody to his ears. The voice that he was scared he might never hear again, though he never lost hope.

When Dean opens his eyes, he’s sure they are wet, because the sight of the angel, his  _ best friend, _ is blurry.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Cas is standing in front of him. The sun is shining on his face making his ocean blue eyes glint. He’s wearing the same old trench coat as he stands there, with the same old expressionless face. He looks well, better than when Dean last saw him, that dreaded day. He looks well and Dean’s happy to see him like this, to listen to the sound of his wings, that can only mean one thing. Cas is at full power.

And he looks beautiful.

Dean feels like crying and laughing at the same time. “Ain’t that a great ‘ _ Welcome to Heaven _ ’ punch line.” 

When the angel smiles at that terrible attempt of a joke, it’s almost physically painful to look at him. Dean feels his heart ache a little, a part of him feared that he wouldn’t get to see that smile again, the way the corner of Cas’ eyes crinkle, the corner of his lips tug up. It’s been a while since Dean has seen that smile in general. 

They’re standing a few feet apart and Dean feels the urge to close the gap between them, just to make sure the angel is really there. 

Cas ducks his head, his hands going in the pockets of his trenchcoat. “You…” he looks back up into Dean’s eyes, the smile on his face is gone. And he’s saying something, Dean isn’t paying attention because he’s too focused on holding himself back from hugging him. 

“Dean?”

The hunter realizes that Cas is looking at him, like he’s waiting for a reply and Dean shakes his head.

_ ‘Damn it’ _ He thinks as he closes the distance between and grabs Cas’ bicep before pulling him into a bear hug. A tight one. It’s warm and Dean can feel the angel’s arms wrap around him immediately.

It feels like home.

_ ‘I love you…’ _

Dean closes his eyes, Cas’ chin resting on his shoulder, the words ringing in his head. Well, they haven’t stopped ringing ever since Cas had let them out. Dean holds Cas close because he doesn’t want to let go, he’s scared. He’s still scared that maybe...

“It’s really you,” he breathes out and he can feel Cas’ arm on his back, sliding up and down in a comforting manner.The angel doesn’t reply, Dean feels him nod.

Dean pulls back a little to look him in the eyes. They’re blue, they’re blue and so alive, they’re real. He’s real. 

“I think I’ve told you to never do that again,” he says as he pulls back, his hand still lingers on Cas’ arm, his grip not loosening.

Cas tilts his head, and Dean can’t help but smile. He looks adorable, he always does. 

“My apologies.” the angel replies, blunt as always.

There are words on the tip of Dean’s tongue. The words he didn’t get to say before. The ones that he dreads not saying sooner. But Cas is staring at Dean with a mix of sorrow and joy, and Dean can't help but ask, “What’s going on, Cas?”

“It…” Cas blinks, “wasn’t supposed to happen this way. That’s why I’m here.” 

Dean furrows his brows in confusion, not understanding any of what the angel is saying. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Cas looks up towards the sky for a moment, eyes almost the same shade, and then he draws a deep breath. “I’m here to send you back.” 

Dean freezes for a moment, trying to register the words. “Send… me back?” he utters in disbelief and Cas gives a small nod. 

“Dean, you deserve the chance to live,” the angel says, his voice is quiet and soft. “to live your own way, without Chuck, or all the… saving, hunting.” Cas’ look is unwavering, he is determined. 

The hunter stares back at him, trying to process what Cas is saying. “Wait. Let me get this straight. You can send me back?” another nod, “You can do that?”

He realizes Cas is an angel and, yes, he looks a lot better than he did when they last saw each other and has his grace and everything, but he isn’t God. 

_ God, _ wow that term feels weird now, knowing that ‘God’ is a three year old, Dean’s own  _ kid.  _

Cas widens his hands a little, staring down at them and then smiles at Dean. “Yes, I can.” he says, “Jack, they, they gave me my wings back, I’m at full power.” He looks back at Dean, “My,” insert the weird finger quotes Cas has failed to learn how to do properly, Dean almost chuckles,  _ “mojo _ is back.” 

“Okay,” Dean tells him, still confused, “But if angels could drop people down from heaven then why haven’t you done that before?” 

Cas sighs. “I can’t really  _ drop you down _ from Heaven but,” he says, “I know a way.” 

“And why isn’t Jack doing this? I mean, they’re God and all, right? So…”

“Jack can’t do this,” Cas tells him, “They’re God. And they have to follow the laws of nature…”

“Dude,” Dean looks at him. If this is against the laws of the natural order, that means that Dean was supposed to die, so why does Cas want to send him back?

“Listen to me, Dean.” Cas seems rather frustrated now, “You weren’t supposed to die. Sam is waiting for you.”

Cas cares, Dean realizes that that’s the only reason he has. That Cas cares too much about them, about  _ him. _

“...And are you coming with me?” 

For a moment, Cas says nothing. Then takes a breath and has the audacity to look into Dean’s eyes and shake his head. “You have to go back, Dean.” he says, and lets out a small, “I’ll just hold you back, if I try.”

_ Back again with the self demeaning bullshit, _ Dean thinks, but then sees Cas’ expressions and realizes that Cas genuinely means it.

“Okay,” Dean tries, “Will you at least answer your prayers and drop by, then?”

Again, nothing. “I don’t think I’ll be able to”

Oh.

“I’m an angel at full power,” Cas continues, “I’m needed here, in Heaven,” he says voice small, “The world is safe now, it doesn’t need Celestial beings, not anymore.”

Cas is right, Chuck’s gone, the drama’s over, and angels have no need to be down there on Earth. That is just going to create imbalance, all over again.

But Cas… 

Suddenly, Cas reaches out his hand towards Dean’s forehead, a gesture Dean recognizes. And so the hunter takes a small step back.

_ ‘Goodbye, Dean’ _

Those words hit Dean again with a pang in his chest. Cas pushing him to the ground and then… taken away, right in front of Dean’s eyes. And Dean can’t, not again, not after knowing that Cas is over here, that he’s right here. He’s not selfless enough to let Cas go.  _ Not again. _

“No,” Dean tells him, slightly breathless, but still determined. 

Cas squints his eyes, furrowing his brows, “Dean…” he starts but the hunter shakes his head.

“No,” Dean repeats. He can feel his heart hammering in his chest. “I’m not going back, not without you.” 

Cas’ eyes widen a bit. He looks surprised. “Dean, I already told you-”

“If you can send me back then you can come with me. It’s either that, or I stay dead. For real this time.” Dean looks the angel straight in the eye, not planning on budging. “I’m not leaving you,  _ not again. _ ” 

Castiel looks like the words are painful to hear and he closes his eyes, sighing. Dean steps closer, hand going to the angel’s shoulder. “Cas?” 

The angel opens his eyes, but there’s a shadow of a smile at the corner of his mouth. Dean can feel the words that he wants to say scratch at the back of his throat again, but Cas speaks before he can. 

“Are you really sure, that’s what you want?”

Never in his life has Dean wanted anything more, but all he can do is give him a small nod as a response, eyes intent.

Cas looks like the sun, the way his eyes light up along with his face as he smiles. “There might be a way. But,” 

“There’s always gotta be a but.” Dean tells him reluctantly.

“If I leave here, with you,” Cas starts and Dean interrupts with _ “Sounds good to me.”  _ Cas smiles again, shaking his head. 

“If I leave, I won’t be the same.” Cas continues, “To take you back, to take us  _ both  _ back, I would have to use  _ all _ my powers, all my grace.” he says, “There’s no place for angels on Earth, anymore.”

Dean mulls this over in his mind, but when Cas’ eyes meet his, he understands. “You’d be human?”

When Cas nods, Dean realizes he can’t ask that of the angel. He knows what it means to Cas, to have his grace. To be an angel. It wouldn’t be fair. Cas has already been human once and that hadn’t been a great experience. He can’t tell Cas to go through that again.

Dean lowers his gaze, shaking his head. He feels himself grow hopeless again, can feel the tears prickling behind his closed eyelids. If this is another goodbye, he won’t be able to take it. No, he hasn’t even said it yet, what he wanted to tell Cas the most. He can’t do it, knowing that he’ll just lose Cas,  _ again. _

Then, Cas places his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “If you really mean what you said,” he tells him and Dean can hear something in his voice. Hope. “If you want me to come with you…” 

Does Cas really have doubts about what Dean wants?

“I meant every word I said.” Dean interrupts, “But Cas, I can’t ask you to- to give up your grace,  _ for me.” _ Cas has already done a lot for him, he has sacrificed himself for Dean. 

To his surprise, Cas smiles, brighter than before. “Being an angel is a big part of me, but…” A pause, Dean wonders if Cas is going to say _ those words  _ to him again. The thought makes Dean’s heart stutter. “But right now, that’s not what I want the most.”

Dean will deny this later, but he’s sure he’s going to break down.

“Cas,” Dean breathes out, he wants to etch closer to the angel. He’s not sure what else to say, other than his name. He stares into the angels eyes, trying to get past the lump in his throat. “What about Jack?” Dean’s voice is hoarse, and he clears his throat.

“Jack said they won’t interfere. It’s not something they want, can, be a part of but…” Cas lets out a small chuckle, “They’re turning a blind eye to this meeting. Whatever happens, happens.”

Dean feels his heart speeding up, he’s wondering how fast can a human heart even beat? 

“That’s good enough for me.” He replies and when he reaches out his hand, he can see that it’s slightly shaking. He wills it to stop, but it’s hard to do when Cas reaches out to him, hesitating at first.

Dean can’t take that hesitant look in the angel’s eyes. He wants Cas to know that all he wants is to be closer to him. 

So, he takes a step forward, and takes Cas’ hand into his, feeling the touch as light as a feather at first, feeling as if he might never let go again.

The smile they share is the best they’ve ever shared. Cas looks utterly beautiful like this, the glint in his eyes makes Dean want to lean into him. He can feel the familiar feeling of being safe and secure, like whenever Cas hugs him.

“Are you sure?” Dean has to ask this, one last time. He doesn’t know what he’d do if Cas changed his mind, but he owes him that. He owes him a choice - to choose what he wants to do with his life.

Cas’ eyes on him are soft as he watches his hand in Deans. For a moment, he tightens his grip around Dean’s, and god it’s the best feeling in the world. Dean is ready to break down, then and there.

“I am, Dean,” Cas says, slowly. “I’ve never been more sure of anything else” 

Cas steps closer, his other hand goes up to touch Dean’s temple, and even though the hunter knows what comes next, he is still feeling a little anxious. But he holds onto Cas’ hand tight, a sense of calm running through his body.

He can see a flash of light behind his closed eyelids, and then, his growing dizzy and losing consciousness.

Dean remembers a few hazy lights, Cas’ grunts as the angel took out his own grace and poured it into a bowl. He remembers Cas smiling down at him and telling him to sleep, that it’ll be alright. And then a tingling all over his body, his hands, his legs, his face.

The next time he opened his eyes, he was on the grass at a playground, at the entrance of heaven. Cas laid beside him, unconscious.

A fallen angel.

An angel who fell for a hunter, _ literally. _

Dean watches as the former angel sits right in front of him now, sipping coffee. He’s only been human for two days but he already has an unhealthy addiction to coffee.

The air between them is not awkward, but it’s still sort of weird, like there are words hanging around that need to be said, but neither of them acknowledge it. 

Sam went out to take Miracle on a walk. Dean was gone for just a few hours but that man has already won over the dog.

Sam was obviously surprised, when he saw them both, at first. He almost jumped at them and beheaded Cas, thinking that they were shapeshifters, but after a few tests, and a long drawn conversation about how it all worked, Sam finally came around.

_ “When has death ever stopped us?” _

Cas is tapping his fingers on the table, something Dean hasn’t really seen him do before. He tries to figure out if it’s a sign of something, but before he can conclude anything, Castiel raises his head and locks eyes with him.

The morning light makes Cas’ eyes shine and it feels like he sees right through the hunter.

Dean doesn’t know what’s holding him back, he figures that he hasn’t found the right moment to say it yet. He was ready to say it in purgatory. That day, before Cas pushed him away like the self-sacrificing dumbass he is. And he is now. Dean’s ready, but he just can’t find the right  _ moment. _

_ Will there ever be a right moment? _

“Dean?” Castiel is talking and Dean snaps out of his own thoughts, looking back at the man. 

He still looks the same, he’s still the same Cas. 

“Hm?” Dean replies, not really knowing if he missed something that Cas had already said or not. 

“I was just asking about Miracle.” 

Dean furrows his eyebrows a little. “What about Miracle?” 

“I’m just glad that the dog found its way to you.” Cas says, sipping on his coffee again. “Miracle seems like a very good companion. Though I think Sam is the favored one.”

Dean just listens to the man, going on about a dog, out of all things.

“And I’ve always liked dogs. I don’t really trust cats that much, but dogs are much more reliable.” Castiel goes on and it seems as if he’s really into this topic. 

Dean looks at him talk - Cas’ small smile as he gestures with his hands a little is the most endearing thing he’s seen. 

Dean thinks for a moment about how Castiel as an angel would just be  _ light _ . But looking at him now, here, sitting opposite to Dean and drinking coffee and talking about how dogs are cute, he thinks that Cas has never shone brighter. 

“I love you.” 

It comes out a little louder than he anticipated and it’s mostly accidental, but it’s how he feels. Dean’s brain catches up to his words when Cas widens his eyes a little bit, words trailing off mid-sentence.

“Dean,” Cas squirms in his seat, his hands dropping down on the table, “you, you don’t need to--” he is cut off when Dean, on instinct, sets his hand on the table, right over Cas’.

“Okay, that came out of nowhere, but let me just-” he breathes in, looking into the face he thought he might never see again, “Let me just say this.”

Cas stays silent, his eyes go to their laced hands and then back to Dean again. 

Taking a breath again, Dean thinks it's now or never. Sort of. 

“I love you,” Dean smiles at Cas and then continues, “Now let’s hope that the Empty doesn’t drop in and take me.” He lets out a chuckle at his own poor attempt of a joke. 

Castiel lets out a small laugh, too, and Dean feels the happiness bubble in his chest.

He stares back at Cas, hand still clutching his and then he says in a low voice, “I’d rather have you, Cas. As long as I can.”

Almost simultaneously they lean in, over the table that they're sitting at, and Dean can hear his heart beating so loud, he can’t hear anything else. He tries not to express the turmoil in his chest, though he can't help the smile that creeps up on his face.

When Cas’ lips touch his, he can feel that Cas is smiling, too. 


End file.
